is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
