Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
