I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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