franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
