Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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