Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
