he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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