I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
