Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
