omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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