i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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