He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
