Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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