You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
