She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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