I faked an abortion last night.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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