BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
