New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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