I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
