If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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