gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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