I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How's work?
Spinning.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
