Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
