The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
