Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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