Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
