It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
