started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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