3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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