I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
