Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
