how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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