apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
BRING THE BAGELS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
