I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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