I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
