Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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