I must be too annoying 4 u.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
