wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
