bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ketchup is God's man juice
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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