my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
