4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
