if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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