I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
