I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
