Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
