He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
