Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
MIDGETS
????
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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