I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
