have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
