You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
