Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
