The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
