Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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